It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
