Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
