the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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