Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
