I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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