He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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