Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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