i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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