That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
