you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
