We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
