distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
