Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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