Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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