Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
