There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
