guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
