she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
