I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
