i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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