she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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