I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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