so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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