I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
