These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just high enough for therapy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
