well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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