im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
