too bad you live with your parents still
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
