you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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