Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
