Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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