handjob tips. give me some.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
