I want to stick my p in your. b.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
