It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
