I cannot find my penis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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