Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
