And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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