ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
