2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
