Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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