i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
