I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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