I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
