During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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