porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
