there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
