I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
