She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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