i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
