a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
